Many of my friends have said to me you couldn’t even write the things that happen to me in my day to day life.
Some stories have them in fits of laughter and others in…well even shock horror ‘oh god you haven’t done that again,’ to ‘OMG I literally want to cry for you.’
I know we have all had our ups and downs, struggles and challenges and well just some god damn crazy arsed shit occur in our paths.
So let me start by telling you a little about my life and how I have come to the decision to share a frighteningly honest (for my sins) view of, well, my life!
So I never had the easiest of up bringing’s. Mother a heroine addict, but at the same time my heroin.
My father is an alcoholic. Not a nice one. Just your straight up typical arsehole.
Two sisters. One older, who has gone from being a dirty bitch(house wise) to an anal clean freak, to the point she puts kitchen roll in her washing machine door every time she does a load of washing as she doesn’t want it to smell damp. Bit extreme if you ask me. And a younger sister who loves playing guitar, singing, and just your typical emo. Neither of my sisters or mum are very socialable, they are all happy living in their own little bubble. I on the other hand am very much a girls girls who finds myself being very codependent on others. Might explain my erratic relationships…
Codependent. There’s that word I have heard time and time again quoted at me by my mother and half of her addict friends in recovery.
Definition: Codependency – are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. (Must be why I enjoy working part-time as a care – I WILL RESCUE YOU!).
Short run down.
Been to over 11 different schools.
Come from Bedfordshire but have moved to Bristol, Seattle US and Weston-Super-Mare. Bearing in my mind I have moved back and forth between these places about a gazillion times.
Love dogs. Was fat in lower and middle school. Had a brace. Lost weight before upper school. Discovered boys, alcohol, drugs, money, fags and well it has spiralled from there.
Maybe I’ll tell you a bit about my life stories as well as current ones as I continue to blog. If I try to tell you it all now I would no doubt end up writing my own blinking autobiography!
Present Day. So here is an example of how I get myself into ridiculous situations. My current role I am in now at work I hate the new Head of Sales.Typical. I mean he is an absolute tool. He bowls in like his shit don’t stink. Steals MY water glass off MY desk and uses it in his second week of strating. I mean gross! Who does that?!?! And then has the audacity to steal my client from me and make out he is the one that landed them. Tosser.
Because of this I decided to find a new job. Fabulous! Found an amazing new job. Better location. More money. All young women in the office and very lively. My idea of perfection.
Note to Self: DO NOT HAND IN YOUR RESIGNATION UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR LETTER OF CONFIRMATION FROM YOUR NEW JOB.
Well I fucking well wish I had listened to my own advice. There’s me as per usual jumping the gun. Hand in my notice at work all smug like ‘yeah fuck you dick wipe I have a better job and you can stick your job where the sun don’t shine! hahaha’
Three days later. Recruitment company rings ‘ Oh hello, I am so sorry to tell you this but the new job has retracted their offer as they no longer have funding for your role.’
PANIC!!!! FUCK! WHAT??? This MUST be a JOKE right???? Oh no, this lady meant business. Oh and did I mention that in two weeks I am flying off to Cambodia for 2 weeks and now have NO job to come home too!
Oh well big pat on the back to you Frances. You have well and truly fucked up here!! So what do I do -Manager ‘I’m having a break down I need to leave work immediately!’ Walk out and don’t return for TWO days. Standard.
God must love me because I have two interviews set up for next week within less than 24 hours of finding out I’m soon to be jobless. I’m just praying there is a silver lining and all that bull crap.
Men. I can assure you I have the most despicable taste in men known to woman kind.
Pretty Boy – The commitment phobe who is clearly scared of vaginas. Selfish wanker. Either that or mine was just plain darn scary. And when he smells more like fake tan than you. Well, that’s just disturbing.
The ginger – apparently they have high sex drives. What’s a girl to do??
The Clingy One – Seriously, I mean if I had a Bidet in the bathroom next to my toilet they would want to use it as a urinal just so they would have an excuse to follow me to the bathroom! Get a grip. Desperation is not pretty.
The donkey dick – Well fuck me sideways and call me Michael. That isn’t pleasure. That is just pure torture. You can take your love stick and stick it in someone else’s cave.
The Bad Boy – Beautiful, stunning. Tells you everything you want to hear. Nice car. Flashes the cash. Draws you in then BAMM! I’m left paying the bills and acting as his mother!! I mean come on, I don’t need this shit. If I did I would have had kids by now.
The Good Boy – Dating a Man of Law. Who hasn’t always fantasised about playing with their truncheon and handcuffs… Well the handcuffs I’m still waiting for… to be continued.
Hope this little taster has your taste buds tingling for what tomorrow brings because it is Friday after all.
Oh and for any one out there who is on a ‘I hate men’ rant this weekend. Here is a little mantra my Mum tells me to say every time one fucks me off – ‘MEN ARE WANKERS. MEN ARE WANKERS. CUNT FACE CUNT FACE CUNT FACE.’ Scream it loud and proud. It really does help 🙂
fransantics 